Sweetcorn Man

My most favourite customer ever, was a friendly chap I met when I used to work in a garden center.
Sweetcorn Man. He wore always wore a big black top hat.

One day he was after killing spiders that were eating his cabbages, he wanted to kill them with powdered antpoison. (he said the spiders looked like the picture of the ants on the bottle).

When someone says that too you it's best not to say
spiders don't eat cabbages,
ant poison isn't made for killing spiders,
spiders are gardeners friends
and really help you in the garden.
It's all far too late for that,
he's seen them do it,
there's spiders munching his cabbage right now,
big black ones like on the picture of the bottle.

So after managing to convince him it could make him really ill he still went ahead and bought it.
This was how it usually went with Sweetcorn Man.

Another time he was convinced that there was a German beetle, waiting for him to leave his allotment, so he could tuck in to his vegetables.
"a German beetle?" I said in disbelief to Sweetcorn Man,
"I couldn't believe it either, then I heard him up the telegraph pole, he's got boots on...."

I couldn't offer him anything specific for German beetles that day!

Grass, alcohol, knees and pets

Just been looking through my records, sorting out timetables for next year.
There's a customer I have who suffers from alcoholism, he's always pleasant with it, but one day I noticed he was just stood there leaning on his stick with his big black fluffy beard whilst I was cutting his grass. (he looked like he had some sort of pet on his face). He waved me over
"are you ok Willy"
"No"
big pause
"it's my knees"
"what are they hurting"
"the doctor won't give me new ones,... and I'm not getting any in the bedroom"
big pause
".....he can't help me with that either"
I sort of uncomfortably try and get back to work
"I'm not enjoying life"
"that's no good Willy, you've got to find something that makes you happy, there must be something"
he dissapeared back into his house with his brandy
he appeared again just a short while later, again a still figure with his face poking through from behind his big fluffy pet beard.
just standing there, he had a bunch of walking sticks, he was leaning on.
I stop again
"I've got three great kids, I'm really proud of...... And four walking sticks"
He had a beaming smile, he turned round and shuffled back into the house.
He appeared again a while later, much happier
"Have you got any pets"
He shouted as he waved at me
"I've got no pets"
"Just your other half then?" he said
"Yes Willy"

The guys a star!!!

Wet work and new baby biting techniques

That tooths growing fast and grabbing on to anything she puts in her mouth now, the spoon, fingers, books, the cuddly chicken (Barry). Unfortunately she found out about biting your own tongue aswell, whilst chewing on a musical teething thingy. That shocked her a bit, she can reach an unhealthy level of noise too, with her bottom lip sticking out!

The weather is really damp just now. I've had a couple of days off (Monday, Tuesday), should be back in for nearly a full day tomorrow a full day on Thursday and Saturday, so at least I get half a week in.

I really want to get some of these smaller jobs out of the way so I can really get stuck in to the biggys before Christmas.

So the next few days will be a mix of clearances and hedging and waste processing, pretty grim when the weathers like this, but that's the reality of gardening. Enjoy the few weeks of summer while you can because winter is cold damp, miserable and very dirty and usually quite a bit more dangerous, especially when doing work near a roadside (due to low visibility), so high vis waterproof gear is essential for winter.

Head Butted In the Knee by a Dead Deer

I have the bruise to prove it. I was strimming the banks for a neighbour, when I felt a sharp thwack on the leg.
Four months ago he had been on about a roe deer that was visiting his garden, nibbling his plants and shrubs, pooing and weeing on his lawn, had killed one of his apple trees and was generally causing problems. He was having headaches and sleepless nights over it. He'd grit his teeth slightly when talking about the deer. Man was he upset!
"He thinks he's found a place where he can just slob about and have a free meal at my expense, well I'm going to wait up at night and shoot him and when I do I'm going to hang his head from that tree".
I believed him that he'd try and shoot him, but I thought the hanging his head was just a bit of angry talk, I didn't think he'd actually do it!
Next time I went round there was the deers head, up in the tree, quietly surveying the whole garden as it rocked from side to side, kept company by a few flies.

I know what you're probably thinking, 'there's something really disturbing about it all'.
But the thing is the guy who did it is a really nice bloke, but you know, I would never ever take a pee in his garden!

Today I was strimming a bank way up high near the edge of a steep drop and the tree where the deers head used to be, that had all been forgotten about until crunch, a large object caught me by surprise just below the knee cap.
The strimmer head, (the bit that spins really fast) had got tangled with the end of a bit of rope on the ground, the other end of the bit of rope span around at speed, ...with the head, which was now part of a sinister game of swingball ................and my leg lost.

I told him what had happened and he just said in disbelief

"no way, it's still a nuisance"

Fully booked now till March when the regular grass and weed season starts again. So that's winter sorted out. I'm having a couple of bevvies to celebrate. I could probably squeeze in a few more if I get someone to work with me for a couple of weeks.
The biggest problem at this time of year is daylight hours. To get an 8 hour day you need to be on site for 8 as it's lighting up, and packing away at 4pm whilst you can still see your tools.

I thought I'd eaten enough carrots today to give working in the dark a shot, but a sharp whack in the eye from a twig in the shadows, made me stick my bottom lip out and take my ball in.

I need to give another quote for a lady who wants more trellis, posts, stumps removed, etc, (I have a list)

I got the quote for the hedge and low maintenance border I mentioned the other day. My girlfriends very pleased.
I've said to her that she can be a full time mum now if she wants.
Little girl has started making clacking and tutting noises with her gums and lips. She sounds like she's adjusting a set of false teeth, heehehe, a few more years yet!!!

Wear safety gear

Ok so today's review isn't a machine. It's not, strictly speaking a review either. It's simply a reminder.
No matter how good our tools are they mean little, if nothing, without considering personal safety.

I quite often wear a safety helmet with visor and goggles, when hedge trimming, strimming, using chainsaw, pole saw, long reach hedge trimmers and sometimes even the old cylinder mower.

I was walking through thick scrub today with the ladders, helmet on and visor down when a sharp thwack caught me in the face, across the visor, leaving a dint, reminded me how easy it is to pick up an injury.

Later on today, whilst feeding the chipper I was caught again in the face. This time I wasn't so lucky and I didn't have my helmet goggles or visor. I am still nursing a very sore left eyeball which has blurred vision and is sending a shooting pain across my forehead.
Lesson 1. BE LUCKY - wear safety gear

I used to be foreman for a contracting firm, and this lad never listened to anyone about wearing safety goggles, by rights the manager should have sacked him. One day he sent a stone through the windscreen of a BMW, and even then he didn't twig that he could loose his sight by using a strimmer.

So I gave him a lift home one day and spoke to him about what he was going to do that night, who he was going to see, where he was going for the weekend etc. He mentioned his girlfriend a lot!!!

Bingo. I knew I could stop him from blinding himself.
"you do realise that if you don't put them *****kin safety specs on you're girlfriends going to wake up one day and say to herself, ""I'm lay in bed next to a one eyed yorkshire pudding, I'm off"" and then she'll leave you and never come back"
amazingly it worked and I still cringe for having to use such insensitive tactics.

Sorry dude, I hope you still have both eyes though.

Stihl HT 75, pole saw

Stihl HT 75 is the long reach pole saw I currently use. It is tough, reliable and saves countless hours by reaching places that only climbers or ladders can reach. At full stretch it measures 11.5ft. So an average man can reach 6ft plus 11.5ft = 17.5ft or 18ft on your tippy toes!
There are newer models available now like the HT131 which is an extra 1.5ft in length.

I honestly can't fault this machine, I've had a struggle to find criticisms of it....(To read more click here.)

Finally finished that hedge today. Pulled something in my back doing it, it feels like it's cramping up constantly. There's a lot of waste come off that job and I'm going to have to start processing it soon because there's an even bigger hedge to do in December.

There's a good customer around the corner who's been asking me to strim his banks for a while now. His wife wants to plant daffodils in amongst the trees on the banks, it will look really good. There's 2000 bulbs on order, which sounds a lot more than it actually looks.
I did an hour and a bit for him at the end of the day, just until the fog came in steaming my goggles up in the fading light.
I'll finish the rest on Saturday and then get some more topsoil off him for another customers lawn extension.

Little one puked today whilst eating her dinner. A full blown puke! It didn't bother her in the slightest, she just carried on had a drink of water, then apple puree and baby rice again!!!

Absolutely worn out tonight. Been using the pole saw all day on this latest conifer hedge, which is being topped. Although the pole saw is not particularly heavy when you pick it up at just 7kg, when it's being operated, espescially at complete stretch, the leverage involved can really take it's toll on you.

Operating a pole saw can be hard work, you feel it when you get home and put your feet up.

There was a vital piece of information I forgot to mention on yesterdays blog post. The hedge I need to give a quote for (yesterdays new customer) has a powerline nearby. There is obvious risk of electrocution from powerlines and you need to double check the safe distances for carrying work out near to them.
If in any doubt whatsoever, it is recommended that you contact the local electricity distribution company for advice.
Put simply, you can die from being too close to powerlines. You don't even need to touch them the electricity can jump!

Atco Viscount Lawnmower

This is my old lawnmower. It currently sits in the shed resting it's bones as it's final commercial season is over. Next season it will be spending it's first year in blissful retirement cutting grass just once a week for my Grandad.

I know this model really well and can strip it and put it back together again in 30 minutes, with time for a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Our model is the Atco Viscount petrol pull start model, key start ignition versions are also available.

I've got a couple of major criticisms of this lawn mower.

The first and easily the most annoying one, is that the drive lever has a catch which, if you push the lever to a certain point, holds the mechanism in autodrive. This is a complete pain in the rear end because the only way to release this catch is to let go of the throttle (which kills the engine) then quickly engage the throttle again so it kicks itself back into life (sometimes misfiring, in which case you need to do it again).

The second is the lack of a blade brake clutch system also adds unwanted time to any grass cut and also unnecessary wear and tear on you and your mower, as constant stopping and restarting are a big part of any operation.

Some of the big plus points of the Atco Viscount are:

• It gives a good cut for a rotary
• It is one of the lighter roller mower models available (just 25kg)
  
• Has a reliable Briggs and Stratton engine

All in all though there are better lawn mowers available.
You can expect to pay around £500 to £600 for an Atco Viscount and I'm sure it fills a little niche in the market for lighter weight roller mowers.
I really would consider the Hayters, Hondas, and John Deere ranges though if a 50kg roller mower wouldn't cause you a problem.

The weather has been unseasonably mild today. Not T-shirt weather, but then again not even a sniff of frost and the sun shone all day.

Went to see a new customer. They've got a large leylandii hedge (7m high, 2 m wide, 19m long) which needs trimming and waste removing. They've given me the price the previous company used to charge (£200). I've said I can do it cheaper than this to try and seal the work, as they are keen for me to do this in January - a skinny month.

They also want two of their front borders tidying up. So once again I've suggested the low maintenance border option - clear weeds, then lay fabric and bark mulch. They've said they'll go for this if the price is right.
The border is established, so new plants aren't needed, but there will be extra cutting and fiddling around with the fabric to lay it around the shrubs. So I think between £20 and £25 a square meter is still accurate and fair.

I would like to do a step by step guide for this quote as there is a shortage of this type of help on the Internet. One of the things they should teach at college is how to do a quote. It is however one of them things you learn the hard way - sink or swim!

After this visit I went to another one of my already booked in conifer hedge jobs. The front hedge has been done, I'm now working on the back one and it is one stubborn awkward troll of a hedge, it is deep thick and intertwined so topping it, even with the Stihl long reach pole saw is no simple task.

All the waste is coming back for processing as this will make a good bulk of firewood and decorative mulch.

Little madam was running around in her walker when I got in, showing off her new syllables dadad babab gagaa whilst chewing her cuddly tweeting chicken (called Barry!).

New tooth, winter plan and dealing with late checks

Phew, little one slept right through the night last night, from 7pm till 6am. What does a full nights sleep feel like again? Oh wait ....now I remember.
Today calls for a double celebration because we found her first tooth, which was bit down quite hard on daddy's curious finger, ow.

I'm off again today looking after baby. It would be nice to start a baby food blog too because some of her food is simply delicious, and very healthy too, like banana and apricot '4 cereal muesli'.

I need to plan the next few weeks work again today as I've got a lot on, especially hedges and clearances. This should see me through to January which is good. There are a just a few regulars in January and February but something always turns up in them months.

List of jobs for winter include:

• Livestock fencing
• Big overgrown beech hedge topping and sides trimming and all waste removing 200m long 20m high and 8m wide (there's a months wages in this one)
• Overgrown leylandii hedge topping and waste removing approx 30m long 15m high and 4m wide
• All waste from hedges to be processed into decorative wood chips and firewood for resale
• Silver birch to be topped
• Two gorse clearances, one on a steep bank
• A regular, once a year leylandii hedge trim
• Some topsoiling to finish off
• Then there's the usual gutter clearing and odd jobs like felting a shed roof and fixing a fence

Checks are unusually late coming in this month. I'll have to do a bit of ringing around, which I don't like doing, because it takes time out of work when you could be out there earning. It's a good idea to put the prices up on customers who are persistantly late payers, or even get rid of them all together, because bad customers will bring your business down.
There's plenty of decent people out there to take their place.

Stihl HS45 petrol hedge trimmer

I've used all sorts of hedge trimmers, the one I have at the minute is a Stihl HS45, which is an excellent piece of kit. It is well thought out, powerful, tough, requires minimum maintenance and has a reputation for being trouble free.

The blades have a rounded edge, an important safety feature. I have cut myself quite badly before with straight edged hedge trimmer blades, which sliced deep through the skin and into the sinew and bone of my elbow, if they'd had a rounded tip I would have got away with a nasty bruise.

The only problems I have with it, if I'm being really really critical, because it is a good machine, are ...(To read more click here).

Uhhhh woken up at 3 am again... She was doing baby talk to herself whilst looking in the mirror. Tried to settle her then gave her a bottle of baby milk, then she fell back into snoozey land.

It was a long day yesterday too. Spent 8 hours cutting hedges, mostly leylandii, from about 6ft to 15ft high. There was also some topping, a yew tree, and pruning some berberis back into shape. Managed to bring in some extra work as there's a couple of trees need taking out too. One of them is growing far too close to be good for the garage (it's trunk is touching the wall!).

The long reach hedge trimmers really came into there own as this cut down on the amount of time, up and down ladders.

The view again was absolutely stunning, with mist all day, rolling through the glens and around the peaks and across the trees and forests.
Unfortunately the area had been proposed for using a stretch of pilons, which would be a real eyesore.

Rusk crazy baby helps with business

Spent all day at home, looking after my brand new daughter (6 months old last thursday).
She is ace and has just started eating rusks in the messiest way possible.
She's also just learnt to turn her little buggy round and there's no stopping her now
as she races around with her little feet doing a fred flintstone run.

I'm doing a one off, all day, job tomorrow which involves lots of cutting back, pruning and hedge trimming.
Tools needed include, chainsaw, hedgetrimmer, pole saw, long reach hedge trimmer, ladders and hopefully no fiddling about with ropes
(but I'll take one just in case).
The location has possibly one of the best views I've seen from a house in real life. I will post a photo when I get a chance.

I also finished a quote the other day for another low maintenance border.
There's been a few of these this year and they seem to average at around £20 - £25 a square metre.
This includes;

• clearance and weeding
• good quality weed suppresant fabric
• fabric pins
• low maintenance ground cover plants
• and of course decorative bark mulch

This latest quote comes in at just over £2000 and I have a hunch that this is far more than they were expecting to pay.

I rang my customer up whilst looking at my clipboard with the plans for the work and figures for the quote, just then I noticed my daughters contribution. How on earth did she got a crumby wodge of rusk on the plan.

Apple Tree Pruning and The Giant Hand Technique

Well after a long and busy season, I've finally got round to starting this blogging project.
Yesterday saw the start of winter with -7 C being recorded at night. The ground is now constantly
too wet to do the final few grass cuts (these can wait till 2010!).
The days work today included apple tree
pruning, with plum tree's having to wait until spring (due to silver leaf etc.) Some of the apple tree's around here are part of an old orchard
so the names of the varieties have been forgotten.

I managed to prune just 6 apple trees today, they are all in garden's I maintain regularly, so I've had my eye on them for a while.
When I first started learning about horticulture, the stuff I read about pruning just baffled me. You could get really bogged down in technical details
only to find conflicting ideas from another source.

I tried to find some simple rules to guide me through pruning.
Mostly pruning is done for these reasons:

• To prolong the life of a tree/shrub
  
• To encourage flowering or fruiting
  
• To encourage leafy or bushy growth
  
• For Safety reasons
  
• To help with disease resistance
  
• To maintain the shape
  
• To reduce the height

There's probably a few more like;

• Wanting to try out new hedge trimmer
• Deer visited last night and "pruned" every plant in the garden

I'm sure if there's any more you'll let me know!!!

I try and stick to some simple rules when pruning most things

• First take out anything diseased
• Anything dead
• Anything crossing over or touching or rubbing
• Try and keep an open shape (this usually means thinning out the centre or anything growing inwards)
• Then when all this is done, you can walk around the tree and do a last bit of tweaking to get a balanced shape

When pruning apple trees it also helps me if I imagine a giant opened hand holding apples. This sounds a bit unusual, but it's really easy to do and it really does help.

---

Super Goat and baby's first curry

Up bright and early yesterday to find an unusually damp and misty day. I didn't fully know what to expect with this one as they were new customers and were a little vague about what they wanted.

Previously after agreeing the day, the lady had said "oh yes that days fine, as long as it's not the day after because I'm due to give birth" (What!! I kept the spare seat of my van free just in case) So the agreement ended up being that I turn up with a fully loaded van to give them a days work and just charge them a day rate.

When I got there they wanted the grass cutting, (about half an acre), the front herbaceous border tidying up and the fruit trees pruning (giant hands again), and hedges doing, if there's time.

So I got to use my new mega mower for the first time before I put it to sleep for the winter, I really should give it a cool nickname like Green Grass Monster, or Super Goat or something.... That thing can move, it cuts grass at jogging pace, needs emptying fewer times, stripes the grass, has a recoil start and can be left running while you do other things like ...empty the grass, move a stick, have a biscuit etc.

After I was finished they booked me in for another day for the hedges, more leylandii. (You could probably make a living just doing grass and leylandii cutting) i also tried selling the 'low maintenance border' that I've been doing, they might go for it next year.

That night we went off for a curry with friends and family, it was baby's first. It was a big chaotic shindig and she got passed around to all the brooding maids and some of the brooding men too. It was a really cool night and little one was the star as usual, waving at people for the first time and trying to hold a baby conversation with some of the other kids (which was funny), whilst having photo's taken and more thoughtful gifts, given to her.